


Persistent Rain

by FridayKnights



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Falling In Love, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lore - Freeform, M/M, My Guardian’s Lore Book, POV Alternating, References to Depression, grimoire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 16:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19213231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FridayKnights/pseuds/FridayKnights
Summary: [ My titan’s lore book ]Whispers of the void tells the story of Nicolai Rain. He struggles to come to terms with his resurrection and feels he’s unworthy of the traveler’s blessing. He’s riddled with self doubt about being a Titan, never mind a guardian, and keeps having flashbacks to memories he’s unsure about. Are they real memories from his first life or is he going insane?Nicolai’s journey to his present day life is a long and treacherous road. He often finds himself biting off more than he can chew but somehow every thing works out in the end.





	1. Summer

**Author's Note:**

> Nicolai’s story loosely follows the destiny timeline, I tried to follow it as closely as I could while still trying to stay true to Nciolai’s backstory. 
> 
> This is meant to be written similar to a lore book you’d find in D2. So each chapter will be a short storie about Nicolai, some told from his perspective, some told from the others around him, some will be third person etc... 
> 
> I’m writing this for fun and because I very much enjoy creating content for my guardian!

As if rudely awoken from a deep sleep, Nicolai is startled awake and anxiety builds in his chest as he gasping for breath. It takes him a moment to gather himself. He takes a quick look at his surroundings and doesn’t recognize anything aside from the mountains and dusty red terrain of mars, everything else looks different somehow, like he hasn’t been home in far too long. But he remembers the last time he was home, how did he ever end up out in the middle of nowhere he starts to wonder.

Someone is talking to him but he doesn’t see anyone around him. He looks curiously at the little... cyborg? The tiny little robot buzzed and chirped as she spoke with a robotically feminine voice.

“Can you stop looking at me funny and respond?” She finally says with a spike of anger in her voice. She floats around him with what Nicolai assumes is a curious look in her eye. 

“Who the hell are you?” He says.

“I’m your ghost, a gift from a traveler. My name is Summer. Are you Athena Rose? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

He visibly tenses at hearing that name. His cringe doesn’t go unnoticed, though.

“Are you not?” Again the ghost floats around him. “My scanner indicates that you are, but-“

“Don’t call me that name.” Nicolai rises to his feet and brushes himself off. He quickly stretches out his limbs and lets out a big yawns. “It’s Nic.”

“Oh.” His ghost takes a moment to process everything. She’s watching him closely as he continues to stretch and look around at the area. “Understood. What’s Nic short for? Can I ask?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Nicolai, I guess.”

“You guess?” Summer asks, annoyed. 

“Never really thought about. Nicolai has a nice ring to it, though.”

“It does. It’s nice to finally meet you, Nicolai.” She knows for a fact this is the guardian she was looking for and means her words. 

“You too, Summer.” He means it, too.

He smiles sincerely and Summer buzzes with joy as she follows him.

“So, you say you’re a gift from a traveler? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Summer explains everything to him and in return gets nothing but a blank stare. She sighs and wonders if he listened to one thing she even said.

“I don’t really get it.” Nicolai didn’t need to say that, she already knew. “Sounds cool though. Guess this is my life now. 

“You’ll be fine. I’m here to guide you through it all. Consider us friends now.”

“Hm, I never really had those before.”

“What? Friends?”

“All I ever had was my sister, and towards the end I had a partner, everyone else was just a connivence while they were in my life.”

“You remember?” Summer asks  

“Am I not supposed to?”

“Well, no. Almost no one remembers their first life, you’re the only person I’ve met that does.” She informs him. “Strange.”

“I wish I didn’t remember. They’re not missing out.” Nicolai looks lost in thought for a moment before shaking his head and laughing. Summer beams at him oddly and her shell twirls as she notices something in the distance.

“We should seek shelter until we make plans about what we wanna do.” She suggest. “My scanner is showing a hidden cave a few miles east of here. If we’re lucky it’s not overrun with cabal.”

“Summer?”

“Yeah? 

“Did you really mean it? About us being friends?” 

“Of course! Now let’s go before we get mauled to death. You’ll be dead again if something happens to me!”

Nicolai laughs at that, something he hasn’t heard or felt himself do in a very long time. Maybe it was because he’s been dead for so long, he thinks to himself, but either way it was nice to laugh again. It was nice to smile again, too.

 

[ a few weeks later ]

 

Humans and awoken alike had been fleeing mars to live under the protection of the traveler on Earth. They were building a city there. Someplace safe where everyone, guardians or not, could live without fear. Nicolai wasn’t the smartest but even he knew that was far fetched to think they’d all be safe there. But then again he was born and raised in the dark ages. He didn’t see the collapse he only ever lived in its dark and evil aftermath of it. He could tell the times where different now but he still harbored his doubts. 

The people of mars were fleeing by the ship load. _Apparently_ there was a list in those who were allowed to leave the planet, it wasn’t some issued evacuation of the planet, it was more like “let’s see how many people we can fit into the few ships we have and never look back”.

“We are most definitely not on that list.” Nicolai pointed out.

“Thank you, captain obvious.”

“What do you suggest we do?”

“Don’t know…”

“We could steal a ship.” He says as watches one fly overhead. “Not that I know how to fly one, though.”

“I’ll walk you through it if you can secure a ship.” She says and that makes Nicolai grin.

“Oh trust me, I know how to get exactly what I want.”

There wasn’t much Nicolai couldn’t achieve by belong flirtatious. And when flirting didn’t work he fists surely did.

After breaking a few noses and a few hearts, Nicolai is able to get access to a ship. A broken ship. Summer repears it enough to survive the flight to earth. He takes a deep breath as Summer walks him through how to take off.

Nicolai reminds himself this is the beginning of his new life, his second chance. He can flee to the city just like everyone else and make things right. Now, with adrenaline pumping through his blood he works up the courage of flight. 

That day, to him, marked the first day of his new life.


	2. The City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Nicolai’s life after he settles down in the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more about Nicolai: he’s pansexual and a trans man! (Maybe I’m self projecting here...) anyways he’s a dumbass with a big heart but life hasn’t always treated him right... you’ll see soon.

It took time to build the city into what everyone remembered it as but Nicolai was proud to say he was there to help build the tower and protect the people living in the city. 

The first guardian he ever grew close to was an Exo by the name of Saint. Nicolai had never met an Exo before, Summer told him something about the warmind and exo’s but he hadn’t really been listening, he just nodded and pretend he understood her big words and length explanations. Saint was like any normal guy, though. That may have been debatable considering how out there he often was but Nicolai loved it. He could act like himself around Saint and it would simply make the Exo laugh aloud.

They spent a lot of their free time together. They trained together, and something Lord Shaxx would join them in training. Shaxx said his reasoning was because he 1) liked feeling like he was the smartest man in the room and 2) no one could put up a fight like Nicolai or Saint. They two of them had an amazing amount of charisma and stamina. The both know of Nicolai’s stamina and charisma outside of the battlefield, but considering how much free time Nicolai has as of late most people knew about it. He, as Saint would say, gets around a lot.

Saint was a proud Titan, Nicolai on the other hand didn’t give a shit about tiles such as that. He trained because it kept him sane and he needed to move around or he was going to root himself into his favorite chair. He fought because it was better than staying at home and doing nothing, and when he wasn’t at home doing nothing he was drinking like a fish and flirting with anything that had a beating heart. Nicolai didn’t consider himself a Titan at all, he was just a dude trying to keep his head on straight- which he wasn’t doing a great job at. 

“Aren’t Titans all about honor and pride?” He wondered. “Don’t really have that, now do I?”

Saint frowned at that. 

“Maybe you need to devote yourself to being a Titan, it would give you a way of life. You’re so strong, Nicolai. I-“

”You wouldn’t understand.” He gets to his feet and walks away leaving Saint alone in the room.

”I don’t understand because you won’t tell me what’s wrong.” 

 

Even after all the battles and time he spent in the city, Nicolai couldn’t understand why his second chance at life didn’t feel right. Out of everyone, dead or alive, why would the traveler pick him? He keeps thinking of his past life and all the blood he had on his hands from back then. The Nicolai now would make the Nic from back then laugh. It was as if Nicolai didn’t really know how to live a normal life because nothing felt right to him.

The only thing he knew was to fight. On the battlefield he’s amazing. He feels nothing as he pops a round of bullets into a fallen dreg’s head. He doesn’t even blink as he pulls out his sword and slices down a captain. He’s numb to it all. The blood has no scent anymore. The sound of dying cries doesn’t even reach his ears. When he’s fighting Nicolai feels nothing. 

Going home and feeling nothing is different. When he’s home he’s unsure what to do with himself. He’ll train with other titans because it’s like stress relief to trade punches with someone but that satisfaction only lasts for so long. 

Nicolai finds himself looking at the bottom of another bottle. In his first life there were consequences to drinking so much, now that he knew it wasn’t going to kill him there was no reason for him not to get drunk and flirt the pants off of anyone in a ten mile radius. 

His feet lead him to the edge of the tower looking over the southern portion of the city. An empty bottle rests by his side as he looks down at the busy area. People buzzed about in the streets, laughing and talking with their family and friends. Nicolai was envious.

”I found you.”

Nicolai looked over his shoulder to find Saint walking towards him. 

“You didn’t need to look very hard, I’m always here.”

”This is the perfect spot to watch the sun set.” He adds mildly. “You must bring your dates here often.”

”I’ve only ever brought you here.”

Saint pauses after he sits down, he lets that little bit of information settle. 

“Is that so?” He says finally. “Let’s keep it that way, okay?”

Nicolai wants to smile but can’t find it within himself to. He looks over at Saint who’s still wearing all of his gear, helmet included. He’s always had a soft spot for Saint’s helmet. He never really knew why but he just loved it. Maybe it was because it was Saint’s. Maybe it was because he loved Saint. 

“I love you.”

”I know.” Saint doesn’t miss a beat. “Do you need help getting home?”

”Yes.” He lied. “Will you walk me?”

”Of course.” 

Saint pretends not to notice Nicolai walking closer to him than necessary. Nicolai is grateful for that.


	3. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Saint’s POV, it’s pretty short but packs a punch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrequited love is bitch, but maybe it’s not as one sided as he thinks...

He had no interest in being a Titan. I couldn’t  understand why, though. His strength and his devotion was that of a Titan, he would be the perfect Titan. He _is_ perfect in that respect. Nicolai, truthfully, is a little strange. He hinted at his past life and all I could conclude was that it was a rough one. After battle he watches the blood drip down his hands with a glossed over look in his eyes. It seemed like he was not really himself in battle. Back then I wondered: Is that another side of himself?

Months later I realized the truth.

Him and I were close... not nearly as close as he wanted us to be. We could never have what he wanted. I was too busy, he was too broody. Our good times were good but those bad moments were catastrophic. Stress was his natural enemy and truthfully it was mine too. I bare a huge responsibility and Nicolai hadn’t had himself figured out yet. It was never more than physical between us. I wonder if it ever could be if our lives had been different.

I spent the night with him and witnessed one of his nightmares, maybe I should call it a night terror considering its violent nature. The fear in his eyes as he jolted away from me that night.. the heavy breathing like he couldn’t catch his breath no matter how hard he tried to.. his skin was soaked in sweat and continued to pour down his face and chest..  Nicolai was shaking and panicking, he didn’t know where he was in that moment and pushed me away when I tried to comfort him.

After a few minutes he came to and apologized. He confessed to me that he hadn’t been sleeping much because of these night terrors, and that was probably drinking more than he should. He said his past was literally haunting him, that all he could seem to ever think about was who and what he lost. I didn’t know how to respond to that, but I wanted to help him.

“I was killed.” He admits faintly, still gasping for breath. “That’s how I died in my first life. I keep reliving that moment. Then I’m outside of my body watching the love of my life and my sister find me dead. Then I watch them die while I’m standing their screaming. I can’t stand it. I’m afraid to fall asleep.”

I held him close as he cried. It took time before he did get better. He became a Titan, one of the best I ever saw, and began to heal. He started to make genuine friends and focused his time and energy on finding the void within him. I’ve never seen anyone throw a shield the way he can! He was able to find his purpose, it wasn’t just to fight for himself but fight for the sake of the world and everyone in it. 

We started to get closer but then twilight gap happened, I was taken away on duty. I left a short time later in pursuit of Osiris per the Speaker’s request. I never got a chance to say goodbye. I’m regretting that now. I fear I’ll never see him again. Maybe this time I’d say it back if he told me he loved me.

I don’t know if I’ll have time to write again but I’ll try. If you find this, Nicolai... I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’ve been gone for a long time, I hope you haven’t given up on me yet. That was selfish of me to think, I know. 

I’m sorry 

\- you know who


End file.
